Feeling Left Out

My older sister and borther-in-law are remodeling their house. My little sister lives with that that the moment and so she's helping out too. I was looking at the pictures and was thinking, "man I wish I could be there. "

My relationship with my sisters is a little complicated. I've always gotten along with my little sister, even babied her. Growing up with the three of us, there were a few times where I had to be the responsible one while my older sister had her fun. So my little sister and I were always hanging out. it wasn't until I was a Junior in high school, that I started seeing my little sister as the little brat.

I never bonded with my older sister growing up, and there was a lot of resentment towards her. So when I got into the college, my older sister stepped up and helped me a lot. I'm still seen as the goody two shoes that might go and tattle on her, but we are working on our relationship.

My sister get along really well with each other. Sometime I feel like it's cause my older sister is trying to make up for all that she did to us, and my little sister was to young to remember. So seeing them together now makes me a little jealous. Apart of my wants that connection with my older sister, another part of me doesn't want to lose or share my little sister.

My older sister isn't Christian, she's probably the most synical person I know. My little sister "was" Christian. I don't know where she's at now, but I feel like my older sisters influencing her to not be. It's heart breaking and hard. I can talk to my little sister and she says that she still is, but she's not living her life like one. I would love to witness to my older sister but it's hard because I still don't connect with my older sister very well, and there's still a lot of hurt and pain hovering within me.

Wow. I guess seeing that they are bonding so well, makes me want to be with and bond with them. Hm... maybe I'll move to Portland when I graduate. I love it there.