Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I've really bogged down with school and work.
I've been super emotional lately too.
Here's a few things I've been feeling lately
I'm getting restless. I want to know what's God's plan for me. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. I'm a planner but I need to learn to let God take the wheel and drive. But it's hard to keep putting faith in that when it's been a year and I still have no closure as to what to do with my life.
I want to be in a relationship. I want to get married. I want a family. I'm getting tired of waiting for the man God will bring into my life. I'm tired of breaking down in tears over anything about relationships or marriage. I hate that I feel like I'm a jerk and can't be in a relationship. I hate that I'm jealous of someone who is pregnant and not married because she's younger than me, even though I know it's not right.
At people and God cause I'm tired of trying to patient and waiting for something good to happen. Why is it that I struggle to live a life that God calls us to live. I'm still I sinner and I struggle with those sins but I've been trying hard. Yet I'm still waiting for God to show me direction, waiting for God to bring a man into my life. I'm angry that I can't love people enough to share God's grace to them.
I just want to give up. I keep thinking that if I wasn't Christian I would be happy, but in my heart I know that's not true. It would be just as hard. But I just want to give up. Date the guy I've like for years that's Atheist and not care anymore. But then fear sets in and I'm still unhappy, in tears, angry, jealous, and restless.