Perseverance

"Therefore, having been justified by faith we have peace with God through our
Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in
which we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but
we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produces perseverance;
and perseverance, character; and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint
because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who
was given to us. " Romans 5:1-5

I'm trying to keep this in mind lately. My heart keeps telling me one thing but I know God is telling me another. Its funny I never took dating lightly. Reading through old posts singleness was definitely something I struggled with. Now I see more than ever that I need to embrace being single.

It is still hard to do things the Godly and pure way when people around you are Worldly in their relationships. But I realize the God has someone out there for me. But for now I need to learn that I'm not ready to be in a relationship.

Its hard to recognize that, but I need to turn to God and recognize I am a strong female leader and I am one because I am single. And that its part of my ministry. Not that I'm saying I'm never going to date again, its just that I'm still not ready in my faith. I know that once I am ready my prince will come and he will be the strong Christian man I've been praying for.

Accountability

191! CRAP! My blood sugars was 191 this morning. Goal for the day, drink lots of water.

So I started to use this blog as a way to keep myself accountable for my health. So that I can "nip diabetes in the butt" but obviously I'm not doing to well. Posting sugar levels and health updates only lasted a few weeks then I stopped. (maybe because of school)

I understand the value of having people in your life that can help stay accountable with things that you need help with. It actually works when you really commit to it. 

My problem is, I don't open up to people easily. I think it's that I don't want them to look down on me or I don't want to feel lesser than them. Stupid right? We are all God's children. He loves us all equally and we all make mistakes. But sometimes I feel like my problems are worse than others. (which are most likely not) 

There are two reasons why I'm bad at accountability. One, I don't think it helps that my first attempt at accountability was because we were forced to have it when I was in leadership in Intervarsity. I thought it was going to be good, but because I'm very shy when you first meet me not many people in leadership really knew me yet. So I ended up in a group with an old roommate and another girl.  

They are great people, I have/had a bit of bitterness toward my old roommate but for the most part it was good. So as we were going around telling what we would need accountability for I was ashamed to tell mine. The other two, just wanted to be held accountable for reading their bible daily. If the only thing in their life that was not ok, was not reading their bible then I must be a heathen compared to them! 

Second, is so many times I get told I'll pray for you, or I'll be checking in with you about this. And what happens? Nothing. That's probably the worst thing a person can do, especially when they say they want to be your accountability partner. Since I've started going to Harvest Family Festival I've been private about my past life and sins. As I have gotten more comfortable there the more I open up about some stuff that I'm struggling with.

So when one day I finally broke down, I talked to two older ladies of the group. It was comforting to talk to them, and they said they will check up on me and keep praying for me. But they havn't. I know that they are both busy ladies, but that the thing. If you know that you can't be there for someone don't commit to being an accountability partner to them. 

So I'm not discrediting accountability I'm just saying when you commit to it commit to it. Cause obviously I'm not doing well at keeping myself accountable for my health if my sugars have gone up to 191! If you do it, do it with someone you can really trust, who knows/been/going through what you are going through, and someone you can meet with daily or even weekly where it's just the two of you. Because if you don't have accountability, guarantee you will keep doing what you are doing wrong. And if you don't do it with the right people, then you only set yourself up to be bitter and frustrated at not only yourself but at people and sometimes God.

Blessing

Have you ever just sat back and taken in the people that are around you and see how amazing it is that God bring a group of people together? We are all so different and yet we are connected through our Savior that brings us together.

Last night I was conversing with Taryn, she goes to my church and I realized last night that I really don't know a lot about her and her husband. I mean I knew they were into a lot of stuff when they met. But their story is just truly a blessing to know.

It isn't one of those things where I don't care to know what's going on with people I interact with, it's just that there hasn't been a chance to get to know people. I go to a church that is a "church in a box." We meet in an elementary gymnasium. We don't have a building, yet. We'll get one someday,

Every Sunday I'm at the elementary school by 8 am to help set up chairs, childrens church, and the stage. Then it's time to practice for worship, then church. Afterwards I stick around to help tear down. I don't mind helping but I feel that I don't connect with people at the church cause I'm so busy setting up or tearing down.

So it's nice to go to a small group and just talk to some people around my age and just take it in. Take in life stories of people like Taryn and her husbands struggles. It's encouraging. It's amazing how God can change a person life and use them for His ministry. I think I'll save Taryn Story for a PPT. With permission of course.

Prayer Request
My friend just moved to Las Vegas for Grad School. She isn't Christian and her car got broken into a few days ago. She's been living in hotel rooms until she can find a place to stay. They took two large suitcases for clothes, a keyboard, and over a $1,000 worth of sheet music.

Worship

So this is something that was brought up in bible study the other night that I thought was pretty much the coolest analogy I have ever heard. 

It's a few days before Jesus is to be crucified and he's at the home of Lazarus, the man whom Jesus rose from the dead. While he's sitting in the home of Lazarus, Mary (Lazarus's sister) comes out with a small alabaster jar of  nard, a very expensive perfume that cost a years salary.  She takes the jar and pours it over Jesus' feet and then wipes his feet clean with her hair. 

Now this is a woman that gets it.  The Disciples were mad and wondered why she didn't just sell the perfume since it was worth so much money. She understood what it was that Jesus was trying to tell the disciples that night. He was predicting his death and sacrifice and Mary was anointing him for his burial. She was truly worshiping Jesus. 

That night, do you think the disciples truly understood what was going on? Did they truly worship Jesus and gave all that they have for him? What do you think they smelt like as they left Lazarus's home? 

They left smelling like flesh. What did Mary smell of? She smelt of true sweet perfume of worship. 

I want to be that person that leaves, not smelling of flesh but of all of sweet perfume of Jesus' Grace. 

I'm sorry I couldn't explain it in a more cool full of details way. I was just so moved by this revelation. 

New Direction - Goals

As I said in my first post, I'm going to be bad at posting. But hopefully I'm going to change that.

So here I am. I'm going to lay out my life for you and all the things that I want to do with this Blog. This will be one accountability source for me.

I'm horrible at disciplining myself, I'm so hypocritical about it too. I'm always the first person to point out other peoples flaws and yet awful at fixing my own. Isn't it wierd? You should pay attention at what goes through your mind when you have something negative about a person going through it, it will most likely be something that you are actually not happy with about yourself and you are comparing yourself with other people trying to build yourself up to not be as bad as that other person.

So here's what I'm bad at discipling myself at:

1. Faith:
   I often follow the ways of the world. Sometimes I get frustrated too, because people always say I'm this strong woman of God, or something like that. I get so frustrated because I think to myself when they say that, "Well buddy you should have seen how strong I was last night. Then you would think twice about saying that" I want to be that person that those people make me out to be. So my goals for this are:
   
   
   • Read my bible daily - If I want to win this battle I need my defense weapon(Ephesians 6:10-18)
   • Pray, Pray, Pray - Instead of freaking out when things go wrong, I want to be a prayer warrior that will reach out to God in my time of need, and in others time of need. (Psalm 5:1-3, Daniel 6:10)
   • Worship - Making my whole life to be towards living for God. (Philippians 2:9-11)
   • To Shine like Stars - (Philippians 2:14-15)
   
   
2. Health
   I'm diabetic, Type 2. So I'm not insulin dependent and I can monitor it with healthy eating and exercise. Problem is... I'm not. My A1C is 8.7% (it should be below 7%) and I have Kidney damage. I'm 24 years old and I'm apart of obese America. Joy! For the last two years, my excuse for not eating right was because of going to school full time and working 3-4 part time jobs. My excuse for not exercising is because by the end of the day I'm too tired. I'm not going to let that be the case anymore. My Goals for this are:
   
   
   • Work Out - I just joined Curves (it's not just for old women!) So monthly I'll update you with where I'm at with it.
   • Start eating healthier- So no more fast food, and eating burgers whenever I eat out.
   • Don't eat out as much- I eat out a lot. It's my way of hanging out with friends, I often feel like I need to eat all of my food and order something with fries (Evil things! They are my downfall).

So there they are, the two areas in my life that I want to be motivated to change. So this is where this blog comes in. Here are the goals for this blog that will hopefully keep me accountable:

• Daily Update-
  Actually it won't be daily, it will more likely be 5-6 days of the week, because I'm giving myself a sabbath from the internet (most likely Sunday and maybe even Saturday). Here I'll will *Gulp* show how awfully I am by posting my blood sugars. This will help me to see it daily and to actually test my blood sugars. What scriptures I have read for the day, and sometimes my thoughts on it, and a prayer list.


• Weekly Goals-
  I will post Goals that I want to have set for the week. Things like: how many times I want to go into work out that week, How much money I can spend for the week, and so on.


• Monthly Goals-
  Here will be goals for where I want to be in my weight and blood sugar levels. Plus any other longerish term goals I may have.

So there you have it. If I miss a post, then I know I've failed. So hopefully I won't. As this blog grows hopefully I'll have readers that will encourage me or be encouraged by it. Because I know I'm not the only one struggling with both of these things.

Thank You for reading and be Blessed!