Wednesday, November 5, 2008


191! CRAP! My blood sugars was 191 this morning. Goal for the day, drink lots of water.

So I started to use this blog as a way to keep myself accountable for my health. So that I can "nip diabetes in the butt" but obviously I'm not doing to well. Posting sugar levels and health updates only lasted a few weeks then I stopped. (maybe because of school)

I understand the value of having people in your life that can help stay accountable with things that you need help with. It actually works when you really commit to it. 

My problem is, I don't open up to people easily. I think it's that I don't want them to look down on me or I don't want to feel lesser than them. Stupid right? We are all God's children. He loves us all equally and we all make mistakes. But sometimes I feel like my problems are worse than others. (which are most likely not) 

There are two reasons why I'm bad at accountability. One, I don't think it helps that my first attempt at accountability was because we were forced to have it when I was in leadership in Intervarsity. I thought it was going to be good, but because I'm very shy when you first meet me not many people in leadership really knew me yet. So I ended up in a group with an old roommate and another girl.  

They are great people, I have/had a bit of bitterness toward my old roommate but for the most part it was good. So as we were going around telling what we would need accountability for I was ashamed to tell mine. The other two, just wanted to be held accountable for reading their bible daily. If the only thing in their life that was not ok, was not reading their bible then I must be a heathen compared to them! 

Second, is so many times I get told I'll pray for you, or I'll be checking in with you about this. And what happens? Nothing. That's probably the worst thing a person can do, especially when they say they want to be your accountability partner. Since I've started going to Harvest Family Festival I've been private about my past life and sins. As I have gotten more comfortable there the more I open up about some stuff that I'm struggling with.

So when one day I finally broke down, I talked to two older ladies of the group. It was comforting to talk to them, and they said they will check up on me and keep praying for me. But they havn't. I know that they are both busy ladies, but that the thing. If you know that you can't be there for someone don't commit to being an accountability partner to them. 

So I'm not discrediting accountability I'm just saying when you commit to it commit to it. Cause obviously I'm not doing well at keeping myself accountable for my health if my sugars have gone up to 191! If you do it, do it with someone you can really trust, who knows/been/going through what you are going through, and someone you can meet with daily or even weekly where it's just the two of you. Because if you don't have accountability, guarantee you will keep doing what you are doing wrong. And if you don't do it with the right people, then you only set yourself up to be bitter and frustrated at not only yourself but at people and sometimes God.

1 comment:

Diana said...

crappola. I had a big comment that went away. crap.

Ok, in brief, this is what Pastor Pete at Crosswinds has said: Pray like it's all God. Act like it's all you.

Which means to me that I have to trust in God, but that God expects me to do the work in getting myself where I need to be.

Dunno, my first comment was better