Who am !?

Who am I? Not just a question for Zoolander Anymore.

I am a Christian, a Sister, a Daughter, a Sinner.

I am a Musician, an Artist, a Person. 

I am Weak, frail, empty, and poor. 

I am confident, broken, and scared. 

This is me.

This Blows

So I found out today that UNR is going to cut the Athletic Band Program. This means there isn't going to be anymore Marching band and Pep Band. I know that it's not really going to affect me anymore, but the saddest part is along side with the Athletic Bands being cut, they are letting go of Mr. Sullivan. He's the Director of Athletic Bands.  

It's sad because the last 6 years of my college life in the Music Department, he's been the one that made me feel like I can be a musician. I've traveled to Fresno, Seattle, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Las Cruses, Boise, Albuquerque, and New Orleans because of him and his hard work (and our awesome basketball and football team). 

It's sucks that the university has to make these budget cuts. My friend Tony has his mind set that we are not in a recession. If this doesn't say we are in a recession I don't know what does.  What do you think? Are we in a recession or not?

Red Sky

Blood Sugars: 167 (I forgot to take my pills last night)

So this morning I woke up to a bright red beam coming into my room. I'm not going to lie, I kind of freaked out, then I looked out the window to see that it was the Sun shining through the smoke that was causing the red sun beam in my room. I kind wish I was functioning enough to think of taking a picture of it and posting. But I rolled over and went back to sleep instead. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll do it, since this smoke is going to be a round and possibly get worse. I'll have to take some pictures and post it for you to see. It's insane! You can barely see the mountains.

Smokey The Bear

Blood Sugars: 157

It's insanely smokey here, and it's affecting people's respiratory problems. There are over 600 fires in California. It's insane it you look at here, it looks like the whole state is on fire! There's a Cal Fire page that gives more details to all the fires going. It's intense! I also go a prayer request about an elderly couple that refused to evacuate when they were told and now can't because their home are is surrounded by fires and is too smokey to navigate out. 

Here's the e-mail:

My Mother and step father live about 13 miles northwest of Woodleaf, California.  She just called me on the phone.  There is a forest fire about 3 miles east of them.  And a fire about 2 miles south of them.  And a fire about one mile west of them and another fire north of them about ½ mile to the north.  They did not head the warning to leave when they could and now the roads are closed.  Cinders about the size of your finger are falling on the A-frame house.  The smoke is so thick you can barely see 20 feet.  They refuse to leave as they say they have no where to go. (That is just not true)  They are determined to fight the fire on their own.  The are 85 years old and should know better.  Please pray for their safety. I believe it will take an act of God to save even their very lives.

Such a scary time. 

Lord God,

I just pray that you help protect the families near the fires and that they may be able to exit to a safe spot Lord God. For those who can't evacuate their homes, lord I just pray that you put a ring of protection around them. I pray for this woman's parents and that you protect them, bring them to safety, and that they stay in good health with all the smoke in the air. I pray that the smoke doesn't effect too many people Lord. And I pray that you be with the fire fighters as they work hard and overtime to put out and contain these fires. 

In Jesus Name

Amen

Employees vs. Boss

Blood Sugar: 151

Just now it was two against one. My coworker and I teamed up against my boss. It was quite funny. That's what happens when there's only three of us in the office and your the only guy I guess. :)

Grump Day

Sugars: 159

Hmm... Today is a grumpy day. Yup a grumpy day.

Still Giddy

Yup still giddy from the concert and Meeting Aaron!!! :D

Blood sugars was 170, Didn't help that I had chocolate fondu last night. 

Home Sick Today

Blood Sugar : 147

This last week I have just been weak in my self worth, spiritually, and physically. I stayed home today from work. The last few days I have waken up with cotton mouth a sore throat and exhausted.

Today was the worst. I think it's because of the smoke from all the fires in CA and NV, It's been pretty bad here.

I ♥ The Almost

Went and saw Army of Me, Envy on the Coast, and The Almost last night. LOVE IT!!! The show in all was cool. Sound was kind of crappy. Army of Me did a acoustic set, because on of the band members had to go to a wedding. It was still cool.

I love small shows cause people can hang out with the artists. I got to hang out and talk to Vince the singer of Army of Me. Cool dude, Kind of awkward because I couldn't her him talking half the time so he had to lean in close for me to hear him... :S

I totally appreciate the guys in Envy on the Coast. They stopped playing to tell the little punks that were punching random people and starting fights to stop. Most bands would ignore it and keep going, but these guys didn't. It was cool. At least in my book it was.

Then highlight of my night! The Almost!!! Aaron Gillespie the lead singer of the Almost stop and took the time to talk about Jesus. It was a short little speech, but it's stuff like that, that can plant seeds.

Oh and waiting for this was worth it.....

I've been bad

When does ministering to a person become too much? For the last year I've been witnessing to a woman that is an alcoholic and borderline psycho. I lived an example life, I shared why I do what I do because it's all for God. I talked to her about hell and the gospel. But it seems that when anything semi-religious is brought up, she turned crazier!

Then she attacks me about things that just tear my self worth down. It doesn't help that I live with the woman and every little thing that I do, she finds a way to complain about it. The harder I try to please her, the more she works at finding something to complain about. I finally hit the breaking point this week. When I was told to get rid of the one large item I have that is sitting in the living room.

I'm broken and torn. My self-worth has been decrease so much that I can't take it anymore. Anytime I do something that she gets angry about I try to fix but nothing is ever good enough. This place isn't even a home to me anymore.

I need to move and find a new job, so that I can afford to leave. I shouldn't even be paying as much rent if I can't have any furniture/items out in the living room.

Panic!

Blood Sugars:
Wednesday: 201!!!!
Today: 170

I don't get it! I ate healthy all day on Tuesday and I wake up the next day and it's 201??? Someone said it could be the fruit. There's no winning with this! Eat candy it's bad, drink fruit juice it's bad, eat certain fruits it's bad, eat carbs it's way bad! Ugh!

But I have been working out every day. I even started Curves Smart. It's cool, they give you this card that you put into the machines and it's programed to your age weight and how you manage the machine, so that every workout pushes you differently to help burn more calories. Also my friend and possible new roommate goes with me! It's nice.


So the other day, I went and saw Honda Civic Tour. It was ok. Going to secular music concerts always remind me how much I love appreciate Christian bands and artist. It always nice going to a concert where the bands aren't cussing, and "buzzed" on stage.

The concert was fun, I was excited for the chance to see Phantom Planet again. The last time I saw them was 4 years ago. Their new stuff is good, but I like their old stuff more. All the bands were pretty good and entertaining. Other than the slew of cussing and the mobs of drunk people.

June Week 2 Goals

I already failed at blogging every day of the work week. But I'm still going to trek on.

This Weeks Goals:

• Get Sugar levels under 150


• Go to gym every day


• Pay off overdraft fee with next Paycheck.


• Smash in as much work hours ass possible in three days. (at least 25hrs)

Feeling Kind of Low

Monday Sugars: 166
Todays Blood Sugars: 174


Yeah my sugar levels sucks, I've been doing so well at going to the gym and taking my meds, until the weekend came. Blah!

So I feel crappy, I need to move and get a different Job.
Here's been what's going on. So where I work now we switch from an office to my bosses home, which is outside of town maybe 15 to 20 miles. Not fun drive when gas is over $4 a gallon. I've been working part-time for this guy for almost two years, and every 6 months or so he tells me he is going to have me learn more about doing SEO or giving me more duties so I can have more hours.

Last semester I was so bogged down with school stuff that I could only put in 2 to 3 hours a day. I think he has come to like that, because well the company isn't doing to well and I do most of the monotonous stuff that nobody wants to do, but is "important" to do. Every since school has gotten out I've been asking for more hours. So what do I get in the field of more stuff to do? I get the tasks of getting the mail, cleaning, and taking the trash out, yup sure glad I'm working on getting a college degree for this work. Then last week I complained that I need more hours because of gas, guess what happens, my hours get cut. Now I go to work three times a week and work until I have no more billable time tasks to work on. He thinks he's being my gas money savior for it too.

For a while now I've been playing with the idea of getting a different job. I've applied to 6 now, I have yet to hear from any of them. So now Guess what happens. My Roommate decides to cash the last three checks I had written to her for rent (written three weeks ago), and groceries (one two weeks ago and one for last week). I thought she had cashed the checks earlier, Boy was I wrong.. Now I'm over $200 in the hole, I overdrew my account. I'm don't know whose fault is it more? Mine or my roommates? But I'm frustrated now, at my roommate, at my boss, and at all the people who haven't at least told me they're not going to hire me.

I hate money and how we need to to survive. Sorry for Griping. Just a little on edge lately.

God take all this away, I know you have a plan and that where ever I go you will use me. I am weak Lord. Less of me, more of you.
Amen

When did I go to Taiwan?

Saturday Blood Sugar Levels:

144

Todays Blood Sugars:

147

So today was fun I had an awesome worship set today. It's amazing how much better it feels when your heart is at peace and totally focused on God. Normally I walk off that stage feeling like I made a lot of mistakes and could have done better, but today was different. It's pretty sweet. :D

So the other day I ran across this video. The girl in the last 10 seconds of the video looks a lot like me. It's really creepy. The video is a little weird also, but pretty AMAZING! haha. 

Day 1

Here we go!

Blood Sugar - 164 :S

Passages Read - Joshua 11-12

I went and saw Kung Fu Panda tonight.

There was five of us 23/24 yr olds. No kids. We were betting that we were going to be the oldest people without kids there. I didn't think it would happen since we went to the 8:30 showing and that's the kiddies bed time. I was wrong, we were the oldest people without kids there.

The movie was cute, I guess. It's definitely a good movie to rent and watch at home, but not a 'see it in the theater' movie. Especially when other people's "precious little ones" can't stay in their seat. I had one crawling under my legs for most of the movie. Good movie though. I had a few laughs in there.

And I almost bought one of these tonight... to bad I'm poor. >:(

New Direction - Goals

As I said in my first post, I'm going to be bad at posting. But hopefully I'm going to change that.

So here I am. I'm going to lay out my life for you and all the things that I want to do with this Blog. This will be one accountability source for me.

I'm horrible at disciplining myself, I'm so hypocritical about it too. I'm always the first person to point out other peoples flaws and yet awful at fixing my own. Isn't it wierd? You should pay attention at what goes through your mind when you have something negative about a person going through it, it will most likely be something that you are actually not happy with about yourself and you are comparing yourself with other people trying to build yourself up to not be as bad as that other person.

So here's what I'm bad at discipling myself at:

1. Faith:
   I often follow the ways of the world. Sometimes I get frustrated too, because people always say I'm this strong woman of God, or something like that. I get so frustrated because I think to myself when they say that, "Well buddy you should have seen how strong I was last night. Then you would think twice about saying that" I want to be that person that those people make me out to be. So my goals for this are:
   
   
   • Read my bible daily - If I want to win this battle I need my defense weapon(Ephesians 6:10-18)
   • Pray, Pray, Pray - Instead of freaking out when things go wrong, I want to be a prayer warrior that will reach out to God in my time of need, and in others time of need. (Psalm 5:1-3, Daniel 6:10)
   • Worship - Making my whole life to be towards living for God. (Philippians 2:9-11)
   • To Shine like Stars - (Philippians 2:14-15)
   
   
2. Health
   I'm diabetic, Type 2. So I'm not insulin dependent and I can monitor it with healthy eating and exercise. Problem is... I'm not. My A1C is 8.7% (it should be below 7%) and I have Kidney damage. I'm 24 years old and I'm apart of obese America. Joy! For the last two years, my excuse for not eating right was because of going to school full time and working 3-4 part time jobs. My excuse for not exercising is because by the end of the day I'm too tired. I'm not going to let that be the case anymore. My Goals for this are:
   
   
   • Work Out - I just joined Curves (it's not just for old women!) So monthly I'll update you with where I'm at with it.
   • Start eating healthier- So no more fast food, and eating burgers whenever I eat out.
   • Don't eat out as much- I eat out a lot. It's my way of hanging out with friends, I often feel like I need to eat all of my food and order something with fries (Evil things! They are my downfall).

So there they are, the two areas in my life that I want to be motivated to change. So this is where this blog comes in. Here are the goals for this blog that will hopefully keep me accountable:

• Daily Update-
  Actually it won't be daily, it will more likely be 5-6 days of the week, because I'm giving myself a sabbath from the internet (most likely Sunday and maybe even Saturday). Here I'll will *Gulp* show how awfully I am by posting my blood sugars. This will help me to see it daily and to actually test my blood sugars. What scriptures I have read for the day, and sometimes my thoughts on it, and a prayer list.


• Weekly Goals-
  I will post Goals that I want to have set for the week. Things like: how many times I want to go into work out that week, How much money I can spend for the week, and so on.


• Monthly Goals-
  Here will be goals for where I want to be in my weight and blood sugar levels. Plus any other longerish term goals I may have.

So there you have it. If I miss a post, then I know I've failed. So hopefully I won't. As this blog grows hopefully I'll have readers that will encourage me or be encouraged by it. Because I know I'm not the only one struggling with both of these things.

Thank You for reading and be Blessed!