Just Remembering Something

So I added a person to my myspace that I havn't seen in forever, and the first thing I thought of when I realized who he was?

How he did a talk for Large Group at Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and he had an action figure for a Rambo and a toy Buddy Christ (from Dogma) and he was showing Jesus fighting off sins. It was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen when it came to a church related stuff, at the time.

What's even better I can remember most of the talk he gave. How he went into how it must have been like to be Jesus on the cross. How he would of had to push himself up to release the pressure on his chest to speak, increasing the pain to his feet. Just imagine the pain he would have to go through each time just to say, For Sarah's Sins, For Matt's Sins, For so and so sins.

AMAZING.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!

Reflections

College has been apart of my identity for so long I think it's the main reason why I was so scared to graduate. Because of college I traveled to places I didn't think I would have ever gone to and experienced things I never thought would ever have happened to me. 

In the past 6 1/2 years I have:

Year 1 2002-2003

• Dated Long Distance. It was hard, there was a lot of regrets, I learned a lot from it.
• Dyed my hair Blue. Yup Blue. 
• Made it in Wind Ensemble on Clarinet
• Joined Intervarsty Christian Fellowship
• Donated my hair to Locks of Love

Year 2 2003-2004

• Moved into Canada Hall. Met my roommate Windy. 
• Went to Fresno for Pep Band
• Pierced my nose
• Went to Seattle for NCAA
  
• Went to St. Luis for NCAA Sweet Sixteen (eye witness the Cinderella Story! :D)
• 1st year at Lake Tahoe Music Camp (LTMC)

Year 3 2004-2005

• Moved into my first Apt with Windy and Stephanie Clark
• Started Working at Jump Man Jump
• Started working at Nightingale Concert Hall
• Went to Indianapolis for NCAA
• Made friends with Ever Stays Red
• Apprenticed for Intervarsity for the Asian American Bible Study
• Learned to play the Tenor Saxophone

Year 4 2005-2006

• Went to my first Joshua Fest 
• Met Candace, Ryan, and Sam Hui 
• Moved into K St. house with Windy
• Learned to be a real Screen Printer
• Lead the Asian American Bible Study
• Went to Thailand on a Mission Trip
• Went to New Orleans
• Got my first Tattoo

Year 5 2006-2007

• Moved into the College Drive House (an all girl ministry house)
• Went to Las Cruses
• Declared my minor as Information Systems
• Went to the MCP computer Bowl game

Year 6 2007-2008

• Moved in with Liz 
• Went to Albuquerque, NM
• Got my 2nd Tattoo. 
• Did all of the Senior recognition stuff. 
• My Last year counseling LTMC
• Went to Warped Tour for the first time

Warning

There's a ton of half started post that I intend on finishing this week :D

It's been awhile. 

I'll post a big one in a few.  For now. 

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I love my sisters.

Feeling like a Loser

Here I go again. Feeling like a loser. It always happens when I try to plan an event. I hate that this feeling always over powers the real fact that I'm not a loner with no friends.

So I'm planning a Graduation party. I tried to see if people will come by posting myspace bulletins and on here, no one said anything. I sent out invites on myspace, I got a bunch of I'm going to this event instead messages. Yup that feeling of what if I was cooler hits again. The thought of why is it no ones first priority to do something for me? I mean I'm getting this huge favor by the guy at Jump Man Jump to let me have this party on a premium night for free.

But here's the other side. My family will be here, they will most likely come cause it's me and I planned it. Because they Love me. Diana said she will most likely come, because she awesome, even though she admitted saying that she won't know anybody there. Liz will most likely go because she goes every time I have one and she's my closest friend in Reno, even though she's in a wheelchair and can't play.

So why do I feel so lame and like a loser? When all the people I'm closest with will be there? Even now I'm trying hard not to cry about it because it's dumb. It's a worldly thing, people liking you. It really is. What really matters in this world are the people who truly care for you. Yet how is it easy for me to tell myself that and yet still feel pain about the people who aren't coming?

Maybe it's because they are the people I'm trying to open up to, the people I want to be friends with. Maybe they aren't worth the effort. This happens every time I try to plan something. I think this is why I distance myself from people. Because I give up on trying to be their friend when they aren't being one to me.

Amazed

I saw this on Brad Ruggles Blog and was amazed. I want to do this.

These guys are swesome.

I Love Mercy Me and their Blog.

I'm a Murderer.

"For it is said in the bible that if you hate a person then it's considered murder"

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers. Anyone who does not love remains in death. Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him. 1 John 13:14-15

This has always been something that I have struggled with, Hate. I just get so angry and bitter so easily. I've prayed over this for years, I had daily reminders to:

 "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:26-27

Even the Basis behind Shine like Stars is a reminder to "not complain or argue" So every time I hear the phrase, "whoever hates a person it is considered murder" I freak out. There was one night where I broke down in front of my roommate and repeatedly called myself a murderer because our neighbors upstairs were being really loud and I said I hated them. 

God calls us to love one another like brother and sisters. Yet it is so easy to not say anything to that person and talk crap about them to someone else. I use to hang out with this group of people that was called "The S*!@ Talkers" and it was contagious. I still find myself doing it still even though I thought it would end when we dispersed.  

So tonight after spilling my emotions out to Pastor Steve I learned this, people even christians are still human and will make you angry in some form or the other in time. But instead of going to other people and talking crap about it take it to God. Pray about it, then talk to the person who made you angry. Or else it will just sit and fester within you, and it just brings the person you are talking crap to, down also.

The Killing Fields

I just got out of my Holocaust and Genocide class. We started talking about the Cambodian Genocide after about an hour and a half of lecture about Pol Pot and his use of kids and teenagers to fill the Khmer Rouge and his "ethnic cleansing" of all intellectuals to rebuild a better communist Cambodia. The second half was a watching the first half of The Killing Fields. A movie that is based off of a true story of a reporter and what he and his translator went through in Cambodia.



Needless to say the movie left us all feeling quite a bit somber. Next weeks class is optional, being the day before thanksgiving. I'm going because we are going to watch the second half of the movie. And I'm writing my term research paper on the Cambodian Genocide.

I've also read this book called, First They Killed My Father. It's a first hand account by the author of what her family had to go through to survive as upper class Cambodian citizens. It's sad but a good and eye opening read. I have it if you want to borrow it.

Positive Post Tuesday

So here's a story that's quite amazing, at least to me it is. I've known Liz for about 3 years now. In that three years I have experience more life being friends with her than anyone else I know. I've met people I wouldn't have talked to if it wasn't for her, and I've gone places I probably wouldn't have gone too either. She even made me play Murder Ball. She's always been an encouragement to me and she's one of the few people I can talk to about what really is bugging me. Sometimes she's brutally honest but these are things I need in a friend. 

One of the most amazing experience I had with Liz was finding out she was friends with my dad's favorite canto-pop singer. Random! Liz went to Point Loma Nazarene College in San Diego, where she was apart of Boarders for Christ, and met a guy named Ryan Hui. 

So one random day in 2006 I mentioned to Liz that my dad's favorite singer of all time is coming to Reno, but tickets cost $192! All I had to say was Sam Hui and Liz tells me how she knows his son. 

So after a few myspace messages, we scored 3 tickets to the show free from Ryan. Sadly my parents couldn't make it to the concert, but Liz, my friend Emmelynn and I made our way to the show. We got to go back

stage and meet Sam Hui. 

The next night we went to dinner with Ryan and Candance(his wife). They are so cool and nice. The greatest part? I told Ryan how my dad loves his dad. What does Ryan do? Offer to mail a backstage pass from the Reno show autographed by his dad to my dad! CRAZY! My dad was so stoked by this. 

Best part? They are coming back to Reno this Thanksgiving and my parents are actually going to the concert this time!

Amazing how God works, how me brought Liz into my life, and all the experiences we had together. 

Taking a Break

So I'm takinga break from the Old Testament. I was trying to read through the bible, but honestly it hasn't been very encouraging. With me being all unsteady lately I decided to go to the new testament. I skipped the Gospels and started with Acts. So what did I learn today?

Acts 1:7-11

7He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. 8But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

9After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight.

10They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. 11"Men of Galilee," they said, "why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven."

So two thoughts came to mind. First, "Holy Spirit fill this broken and empty heart! Revive me!" I want to witness (hence why I'm in CCN) but still am scared, shy, and nervous. Secondly, "MAN! when Jesus comes back it's going to be the biggest show of my life!"

Yup that's what I thought. I'm trying and struggling daily. I think I need to start hanging out with some old Christian friends. They were so encouraging and it's nice to see them again. 

JUMP MAN JUMP!

Heck Yes! So I just got off the phone with Doug at Jump Man Jump and I'm going to have a Graduation Party at Jump Man Jump!

For those of you who don't know. I worked there for like 4 years! It's incredibly fun and you're never too old to be there!

So here's the Details

Saturday Dec. 6th

6:00 PM Be there
If your under 18 Go Here and print out a waver for you parents to sign.
Have socks and be prepared for an hour of AWESOMENESS!

Comment and let me know if you going to be there.

This is considered Computer Science?

I was looking ahead in my computer science class (Miracle I know!) and I saw that the homework assignment due next week is this:

1. For next Monday (11/17), conduct some research on diabetes. Find out from verifiable resources what the chances are of different age groups contracting either Type I or Type II diabetes. Make sure you find up to date references because the statistics have been significantly changing in the past few years. Turn in the answers to the following questions in the standard printed (not handwritten) form, and show your references at the end of your paper.

a. Explain what Type I and Type II diabetes are, and what the significant differences are between the two.
b. Can diabetes be cured?
Provide evidence for your answer.
c. Can diabetes be prevented?
Provide evidence for your answer.
d. Who is most at risk for diabetes?
What age ranges, what ethnicities, what countries or continents, etc.
- provide the percentage probabilities you find for the various groups

What?!? Atleast I'm pro at telling the difference between type one and type two Diabetes. By the way I have type two diabetes. Fun times!

Soles 4 Souls

So I came across this in my blog reader you should check it out!

A $5 donation buys two pair of shoes for a person somewhere in the world with none. Imagine, for a little more than what we spend on our morning coffee we can put shoes on the feet of two needy people. All of us can give $5, many of us can give more.

All By Myself

Well. I have the office to myself this weekend. Just me the XM Radio and the Pool Table. Hopefully it will be productive. It's not the first time it was just me in the office. :D Someday I'll get to go to PubCon.

My Weekend in Bullet Point

• Went to Washoe Valley for a Revival. It went ok I think the next time around it will be better. I definitely need to learn to be more social in groups of people I don't know really well.
  
• Went to Chad's Vocal Recital at Trinity Episcopal Church. It was interesting. The theme was embracing love and Chad's journey through it and accepting his Sexuality.
  
• Stared at the amazing creation of a pipe organ.
  
• Joked around with Lana about how cute someone at the concert hall is. (which for Lana to say that means something! Maybe She'll like guys.)
• Helped out at Children's church this weekend. I was the tickle monster again. Fun times!
• Totally chilled in my room and did all the stuff I needed to get done. So nice to do nothing for a afternoon.
  
• Address graduation announcements! 25 days away!! AH!
  

Sometimes I Wonder

I wonder how people would treat me if I was cooler. I see people do anything to hangout with certain people. I wonder what happens when I ask people come out to do stuff, what would they do?  Because I sure feel like people bail out on me constantly and I'm really getting tired of being the person that's always there for other people.

Not OK

I opened up to you. 

I told you for once what was wrong. 

I made myself vulnerable.

I opened myself to the pain.

And all I got was a hug. 

Not ok. 

So Unproductive!

Today Diana and I worked remotely at My Favorite Muffin, Yeah definitely didn't get any work done! Haha But we did see MichelleReno! 

Hello Mister President

So I said this in a comment to Diana and felt like adding it on here.

I wasn't sure how to react. I asked my roommate who won and I just said Cool and walked away as my stomach dropped.

So last night as I was cooking dinner and trying to avoid "Creepy Magazine Selling Guy" I finally walked out of the kitchen and asked my roommate and her boyfriend who won. I dunno why, I kind of knew Obama would win. I pretty much was 50-50 with who I was going to vote for. Both Candidates had items on their platforms that I liked and didn't like.

All I have to say now is, Congratulations President Obama. I'll be Praying for you and hoping that the decisions you make will help our country.


I like how personal and real this image make Obama look. This was taken by Callie Shell. Check out her other pictures. I found her through TheLongbrake Blog.

Accountability

191! CRAP! My blood sugars was 191 this morning. Goal for the day, drink lots of water.

So I started to use this blog as a way to keep myself accountable for my health. So that I can "nip diabetes in the butt" but obviously I'm not doing to well. Posting sugar levels and health updates only lasted a few weeks then I stopped. (maybe because of school)

I understand the value of having people in your life that can help stay accountable with things that you need help with. It actually works when you really commit to it. 

My problem is, I don't open up to people easily. I think it's that I don't want them to look down on me or I don't want to feel lesser than them. Stupid right? We are all God's children. He loves us all equally and we all make mistakes. But sometimes I feel like my problems are worse than others. (which are most likely not) 

There are two reasons why I'm bad at accountability. One, I don't think it helps that my first attempt at accountability was because we were forced to have it when I was in leadership in Intervarsity. I thought it was going to be good, but because I'm very shy when you first meet me not many people in leadership really knew me yet. So I ended up in a group with an old roommate and another girl.  

They are great people, I have/had a bit of bitterness toward my old roommate but for the most part it was good. So as we were going around telling what we would need accountability for I was ashamed to tell mine. The other two, just wanted to be held accountable for reading their bible daily. If the only thing in their life that was not ok, was not reading their bible then I must be a heathen compared to them! 

Second, is so many times I get told I'll pray for you, or I'll be checking in with you about this. And what happens? Nothing. That's probably the worst thing a person can do, especially when they say they want to be your accountability partner. Since I've started going to Harvest Family Festival I've been private about my past life and sins. As I have gotten more comfortable there the more I open up about some stuff that I'm struggling with.

So when one day I finally broke down, I talked to two older ladies of the group. It was comforting to talk to them, and they said they will check up on me and keep praying for me. But they havn't. I know that they are both busy ladies, but that the thing. If you know that you can't be there for someone don't commit to being an accountability partner to them. 

So I'm not discrediting accountability I'm just saying when you commit to it commit to it. Cause obviously I'm not doing well at keeping myself accountable for my health if my sugars have gone up to 191! If you do it, do it with someone you can really trust, who knows/been/going through what you are going through, and someone you can meet with daily or even weekly where it's just the two of you. Because if you don't have accountability, guarantee you will keep doing what you are doing wrong. And if you don't do it with the right people, then you only set yourself up to be bitter and frustrated at not only yourself but at people and sometimes God.

Much to Say

So I This weekend for pack with so much stuff that I don't know how to explain it all. I'll do it in bullets.

Friday

• Worked most of the day at PPM and had lunch with Diana.
  
• Hung out at home then went and saw the Midnight showing of TMCC's production of Sweenet Todd. Incredible!
  

Saturday

• Cleaned House
• Went to a surprise Birthday Party for Becky
• Played ImagineIff
• Went Grocery Shopping (that was interesting but I'm not going to tell why cause it's just not nice)

Sunday

• Church It wasn't bad. Set up and tear down was super fast!
• Taught someone how to Crochet
• Went to Costco and got yelled at for going in the wrong door. Oops! He could have been just a little nicer though.
• Went to my group meeting with Costco Pizza in hand
• Made a ERD (Sort of)
• Went to the Waiting Ends, A Current Affair, The Wedding, and Wavorly Show. AWESOME!

So that's about it. Busy but fun Weekend.

I was going to attempt a Positive Post Tuesday post but I feel a little let down today. So I'm not feeling to postive. Sorry.

I voted

Ok here's my voice on Voting. If you are going to vote please make an educated vote. Please take the time to look up each canidates platform and make the decision for yourself who you think is going to best stand up and do the job of what you want done.

I know some platforms are long, just take the time to figure out what's most important to you, and read those sections and compare who would do the best job at resolving what is important to you.

Don't just vote for whoever people are telling you to vote for. And honestly don't be ashamed to go against your friends it's called voter privacy for a reason. You don't have to go around telling people you voted for whoever.

This isn't just towards the Presidential Candidates, It's for all the local ones. Open your sample Ballot read up on all the questions, look up who is running for what.
Yes, who is the next president is important but the local canditates are just as important. They are the ones that will be making changes that can effect you sooner than what the President decides for the nation.

P.S. Clip board people. I'm not going to miss you after tomorrow. I can finally stop saying Yes I registered to vote and Yes I voted early.

Freaking out!

I graduate in 33 days!!

Boredom

I was bored in the computer lab. Good times.. It kind of looks like my new hair cut. :)

Resting

So here's what I learned. I'm not quite sure where to start and I'll most likely be all over the place.

Thanks to everyone's advice, but much to say I'm not going to date the atheist. Here's why, I'm obviously not strong enough to defend my faith to them when it comes to apolgetics and the questioning who is right and who's not. I'm waiting for the guy that God has made Comparable to me. Not Compatable but comparable.

Confused? This is what I learned God often times doesn't match us up with the people that we think we would most likely be compatable with. It's not like EHarmony where you take compatability tests. God matches us up with people that we can be comparable with. God is matching me up with someone whose strength is my weakness and my weakness is his strength. Someone whose not exactly who I would think I'd be with or match the guys that I'm saying I like. That's what makes him not compatable with me. I can't pick and choose who I want, what they look like, and their personality. I need to trust that God will bring someone into my life that I'm comaprable with, so that we both can follow, love, fellowship, and worship God together.

So I'm resting. Resting? You may ask. In college and career night we talked about Adam. How Adam and Eve are the prime example of what relationships should be like. When God Created the Heavens, the earth, The sky, and the creaters of the land, air, and sea. God created Adam in his likeness. God then had Adam name all the creaters that he had created. So as each creater strolled up in pairs Adam names them. It never occured to me that Adam could have possibly realized that all these creaters he saw came by in groups of two and yet there was only one of Adam. Did Adam go running through the Garden of Eden looking for his mate?

No instead he went to sleep, God had placed a deep sleep over Adam and then took from him one rib and created Eve about of the ribs of Adam and mud. Before Eve there was no other person for Adam to be focus on but God. Adam fully loved God first then Eve. When Adam awoke and saw Eve he loved her as she was. It's even said that part of the reason why Adam ate off the tree of life was so that Eve wouldn't be punished alone that together they may reep the consiquences of Eve's actions.

So what did I get from this. Before I can love another person I need to love God. I also need to rest, stop searching, and pressuring God, because maybe the Man God has picked out for me isn't ready yet. Maybe he like me needs to right his heart with God. Or maybe he's waiting patiently for me to right my heart with God. All I know is, I need to rest from wondering and looking for someone that's compatable with me and wait for the person the God made comparable to me.

It's been a while

Yup it's been a while since I last posted. I guess it's time for me to update you on what's going on.

So I've been busy with school, work, and church. So busy that there's been times where all I wanna do is nothing.

My weekends have been jammed pack with weddings, concerts, church fellowships, and work. I loved all that has happened but I think I need to plan a weekend of me time. Wash my sheets and my car.

As for my emo post I did a few weeks ago. Things are better, I have been receiving a lot of prayer over it and received much advice.

I think I'll post what Ive learned eventually, but for now I think it at that. I'm trying to rest my anxious heart.

Weddings!

I went to a wedding today. It was cool. Super laid back.
My feet hurt. I'm poor again. I have another wedding to go to. :S

Dude!

You should head over to Brody Harper's blog and check this post out. The kid is wicked good!
♥Ng

Sorry.

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I've really bogged down with school and work. 

I've been super emotional lately too. 

Here's a few things I've been feeling lately

Restless

I'm getting restless. I want to know what's God's plan for me. I don't like not knowing what's going to happen. I'm a planner but I need to learn to let God take the wheel and drive. But it's hard to keep putting faith in that when it's been a year and I still have no closure as to what to do with my life. 

Jealous

I want to be in a relationship. I want to get married. I want a family. I'm getting tired of waiting for the man God will bring into my life. I'm tired of breaking down in tears over anything about relationships or marriage.  I hate that I feel like I'm a jerk and can't be in a relationship.  I hate that I'm jealous of someone who is pregnant and not married because she's younger than me, even though I know it's not right.

Anger

At people and God cause I'm tired of trying to patient and waiting for something good to happen. Why is it that I struggle to live a life that God calls us to live. I'm still I sinner and I struggle with those sins but I've been trying hard. Yet I'm still waiting for God to show me direction, waiting for God to bring a man into my life. I'm angry that I can't love people enough to share God's grace to them.

Defeated

I just want to give up. I keep thinking that if I wasn't Christian I would be happy, but in my heart I know that's not true. It would be just as hard. But I just want to give up. Date the guy I've like for years that's Atheist and not care anymore. But then fear sets in and I'm still unhappy, in tears, angry, jealous, and restless.

Positive Post Tuesday

Yeah I haven't been very good at keeping up with my Positive Post Tuesday but I intend to be more adamant about it. So today I'm going to post about a sport. If Brody (the creator of PPT) can post about the weather I can post about a sport :D

So a few years ago my friend Liz volunteered me (more like said you're coming after church) to help out with her to go to Quad Rugby practice. (They updated their site!! It actually looks like a big kids website! Sorry I'm on a caffeine high right now.. coffee coffee coffee!)

Since then I've gone to Las Vegas for tournaments and helped out at several fund raising events for the local team. At one point in time I was assisting coaching and working on becoming an official referee for the sport.

Well as I got further into my studies I had to quit going to practices to focus on school and graduating. I miss it. I miss the people and actually playing. I had some mad shoulder muscles! :D

So what brought this post on?? Well if you didn't know the Beijing Olympics are still going. They are in the mist of the Para-Olympics portion. Right now I'm watching the live feed of the USA Vs. Australia Gold medal Rugby Tournament.

This was created in Canada backing in the 70s. It was originally called Murder ball and if you've seen a game you know why it was named that. It was created for quadriplegics in mind because back then para sports were beginning to gain popularity, but they were all aimed towards paraplegics, meaning it was aimed for people with impairments in two of the four limbs. Making some sports hard for quadriplegics to participate in.

Since then the sport has expanded across the world and is now one of the more popular parasports, para basketball is still the number one. (which is hard to play too! I've tried it. :D)

It's also nice because teams everywhere volunteer at hospitals to show people in rehab that have been injured and are new to the wheelchair world, that there is still things that they can do. That there is a community of support and a chance to people to still be active and participate in sports.

I hope i did the sport some justice. If you haven't seen it yet you should watch the movie Murderball. It give a better insight into the sport.

Feeling Left Out

My older sister and borther-in-law are remodeling their house. My little sister lives with that that the moment and so she's helping out too. I was looking at the pictures and was thinking, "man I wish I could be there. "

My relationship with my sisters is a little complicated. I've always gotten along with my little sister, even babied her. Growing up with the three of us, there were a few times where I had to be the responsible one while my older sister had her fun. So my little sister and I were always hanging out. it wasn't until I was a Junior in high school, that I started seeing my little sister as the little brat.

I never bonded with my older sister growing up, and there was a lot of resentment towards her. So when I got into the college, my older sister stepped up and helped me a lot. I'm still seen as the goody two shoes that might go and tattle on her, but we are working on our relationship.

My sister get along really well with each other. Sometime I feel like it's cause my older sister is trying to make up for all that she did to us, and my little sister was to young to remember. So seeing them together now makes me a little jealous. Apart of my wants that connection with my older sister, another part of me doesn't want to lose or share my little sister.

My older sister isn't Christian, she's probably the most synical person I know. My little sister "was" Christian. I don't know where she's at now, but I feel like my older sisters influencing her to not be. It's heart breaking and hard. I can talk to my little sister and she says that she still is, but she's not living her life like one. I would love to witness to my older sister but it's hard because I still don't connect with my older sister very well, and there's still a lot of hurt and pain hovering within me.

Wow. I guess seeing that they are bonding so well, makes me want to be with and bond with them. Hm... maybe I'll move to Portland when I graduate. I love it there.

The VMA's

So a few nights ago was the VMA's. It's the first time since..... well ever that I actually sat down and watch the whole thing. Well I can't say I watched the whole thing. I was doing my homework at the same time. :D

As I was listening to what was going it was amazing to me at how many people were thanking God. I might sound critical but are they really truely thanking God is it an action? So they truely know what it's like to life for God? The only reason why I say this is because I heard Lil' Wayne give thanks to God, but earlier in the night he had performed a song that half of it you couldn't hear because they censored out all the cuss words, and what you could hear wasn't very moral. Also given that the whole performance his pants were below his butt. I mean it's great that these artist know about God but who is telling them, feeding them, keeping them accountable?

The Recults!

Ok so it's been a while. Here's to multiple different post on what I have been thinking about lately.

First My appointment. It was a Success! My A1C Percentage was down a whole 2%!!!
Which makes it's below 7% and that means I'm not in the danger zone. But I'm not going to give up now. Next is to get it lower so I don't have to be on as many Meds. Or atleast smaller dosages and save myself from the stomach pains!

Praise God! :D

Appointment.

So I just got a phone call reminding me that I have my next Endocrine appointment on Thursday. Which means I have to leave class early and get there and present my new student insurance card and fork over more money since that office isn't covered by my insurance.

Long story short, I have the student insurance that my current Endocrine Doctor isn't on, but the ones that are covered aren't accepting new patients so I can't go to them. Which sucks because of the fact that I have kidney damage means I need to see a specialist and that means staying with the doctor I'm at and paying more money. I like my doctor though. I'm just POOR!

So my last appointment really made me upset, cause I pretty much was told that my Hemoglobin level went up to a scary percentage and that I need to check myself or else I'm in big trouble. So I did, I signed up for Curves and I stopped eating out as much, and I made an effort to eat healthier.

I started out committing to testing my sugar levels regularly (I failed at that), taking my pills daily (which I failed at when I found out how expensive they are when you don't have any more prescription benefits), and to exercise. The only on I succeeded at was going to the gym. Only because I'm POOR and better make this monthly expenditure worth it.

So hopefully I'll have good news for you tomorrow. If not I'll become very emo, and it's not a pretty sight.

Love

So lately I've been thinking about Love. This might sound bitter but I took some time to reflect on why it is that I've given up on Love.

It's amazing to me that so many people find it hard to say the three little words "I love you" and yet they easily dismiss the power of those three words later and then fall out of love. Is it truely love? Love is supposed to be unconditional and ever lasting. So is it really love? 

Don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't Love people. I love my family and I love God. That's unconditional and will never change. I will always be committed to them. But why is that people are so quick to be in relationship to be loved, and yet it's not real? It's just a phrase that people use. I mean they might mean it at first but then it get distorted and the meaning of it gets lost. It's just an action, just like kissing turns from a huge milestone in a relationship to a action that is expected. 

It's expected that you say I love you when you're saying good bye. 

I guess what is bringing all this about is all the people who are telling me that I need a man in my life. I need to be in love. In all honesty I'm not ready. I'm a jerk and my last relationship... well, tons of regrets there. I'm not ready.

I feel like I don't need to be actively looking for someone to make me happy. I have God, my family, and friends in my life. I feel that when my heart and soul is ready God will bring someone into my life, and that person will have Eros and Agape Love for me. Not the love that gets abused and forgotten. Together we can have a relationship that will honor and abide Gods laws. 

Right now I'm not ready for that and God knows. I'm in no rush cause I know there's a man out there that God has picked out for me and he will love me for me. Not for what's on the outside but what's on the inside. I don't need to change my style or wear make up to attract men. Because that's not me, and it just adds to the distortion of love. I want someone to love me for me, not for the clothes I wear or the makeup on my face that's just covering my true beauty. 

If you made it this far, I'm sorry for sounding bitter or rude. Just had to get it off my chest.

School Days

So week one of school done. So far I've been lucky enough to have people I know in all of my classes. The one I was the msot nervous about was my Holocaust and Genocide class, but I was lucky enough to have my friend Tony in there too.

My IS370 - Systems Analysis and Design group BRS reunited for group projects in IS475 - Database Implementation and Design. Which is nice since we all know each other and know each other work ethics.

BRS stands for Back Row Slackers. We came up with that name because we all sat along the back wall of the classroom. But we are far from slackers, we actually get our work done. I like my group we all work well together and so this semester should be fine. I mean we passed a semester long project together, we can handle a few smaller projects.

I've been working on staying strong and continueally being in the word and praying. I'm working my way through 1 Samuel which is a lot of fighting and war. I want to get to the story of David and his friendship with Johnathan and his struggles with Saul. I'll get there soon though.

This semester should be exciting and filled with new adventures. CCN is having their first ever meeting tonight where we will go over the goals and expectaion of this new club.

Change Collegiate Network- It's a group that focus on evangelism and spreding the word of God on campus and off. It's going to be exciting to how God uses people through this venture.

Blessing

Have you ever just sat back and taken in the people that are around you and see how amazing it is that God bring a group of people together? We are all so different and yet we are connected through our Savior that brings us together.

Last night I was conversing with Taryn, she goes to my church and I realized last night that I really don't know a lot about her and her husband. I mean I knew they were into a lot of stuff when they met. But their story is just truly a blessing to know.

It isn't one of those things where I don't care to know what's going on with people I interact with, it's just that there hasn't been a chance to get to know people. I go to a church that is a "church in a box." We meet in an elementary gymnasium. We don't have a building, yet. We'll get one someday,

Every Sunday I'm at the elementary school by 8 am to help set up chairs, childrens church, and the stage. Then it's time to practice for worship, then church. Afterwards I stick around to help tear down. I don't mind helping but I feel that I don't connect with people at the church cause I'm so busy setting up or tearing down.

So it's nice to go to a small group and just talk to some people around my age and just take it in. Take in life stories of people like Taryn and her husbands struggles. It's encouraging. It's amazing how God can change a person life and use them for His ministry. I think I'll save Taryn Story for a PPT. With permission of course.

Prayer Request
My friend just moved to Las Vegas for Grad School. She isn't Christian and her car got broken into a few days ago. She's been living in hotel rooms until she can find a place to stay. They took two large suitcases for clothes, a keyboard, and over a $1,000 worth of sheet music.

Warped Tour

Warped Tour was a blast. It was really stupid hot out though. There were a few people walking around that looked like they had heat stroke. It's funny I think I counted three bands out of all the bands we saw that didn't swear while they were on stage. There was one band that every other word was a swear word and after awhile it just wears you down and makes you not want to listen to them anymore. But my roommate really wanted to watch their set, because it was one of the bands she knew of at Warped Tour. So I suffered through it.

Other than that I loved seeing We the Kings, The Academy is, Forever the Sickest Kids, Peirce the Veil, and Anberlin.

Such a Klutz

So today i got up at 5 am and drove back from the Warped Tour to play piano at church. I injured myself a lot today,  I smashed my finger in a piano bench, grated my finger, and slipped on rocks.

 Thats all for now. Warped Tour reflections tomorrow. 

Seriously!

Big Foot has been Found! 

Pics

I still don't think it's real though. haha.

Getting Excioted

Tomorrow we leave for Warped Tour! Not to mention a trip to IKEA! I'm going with my friends Liz and Tiffany and it's going to be exciting times.

so speaking of music. Yesterday Brody talked about this band called Paper Route. Because of his post being so keen on people going to check them out, so I did.

I like them. They are very musical in their stuff and their website is very artsy. I'm finding that I'm starting to lean more towards indie music and not so much the scream rock that I use to listening.

But I like Paper Route and think that they are just awesome and you should check them out too.

Worship

So this is something that was brought up in bible study the other night that I thought was pretty much the coolest analogy I have ever heard. 

It's a few days before Jesus is to be crucified and he's at the home of Lazarus, the man whom Jesus rose from the dead. While he's sitting in the home of Lazarus, Mary (Lazarus's sister) comes out with a small alabaster jar of  nard, a very expensive perfume that cost a years salary.  She takes the jar and pours it over Jesus' feet and then wipes his feet clean with her hair. 

Now this is a woman that gets it.  The Disciples were mad and wondered why she didn't just sell the perfume since it was worth so much money. She understood what it was that Jesus was trying to tell the disciples that night. He was predicting his death and sacrifice and Mary was anointing him for his burial. She was truly worshiping Jesus. 

That night, do you think the disciples truly understood what was going on? Did they truly worship Jesus and gave all that they have for him? What do you think they smelt like as they left Lazarus's home? 

They left smelling like flesh. What did Mary smell of? She smelt of true sweet perfume of worship. 

I want to be that person that leaves, not smelling of flesh but of all of sweet perfume of Jesus' Grace. 

I'm sorry I couldn't explain it in a more cool full of details way. I was just so moved by this revelation. 

I'm diggin it.

I have to say. I like the new layout. What do you think?

So I havn't been adjusting to the new place very well. I can't sleep and it doesn't help that once I lay down this painful coughing session happens. Then when I do somewhat fall asleep I wake up again with the painful coughing session.

So the last few nights I have been averaging 3 to 4 hours of sleep. Not fun. especially when you have to do childrens church and your falling asleep to them wreaking havoc.

Oh and in random news. I'm getting a cat in two weeks! :D

Wow

There are a few things that caused me to sit in awe and say wow lately.

 1st was something that I learned in bible study. In Revelation 5:6-13 John talks about how he sees a Lamb that looks as though it had been slain and yet is standing in front of the masses strong.  When the lamb picks up a scroll the mass all bow down and sing a new song. All people sing it, people in Heaven, on the earth, and the people in Sheol. 

Jesus is that Lamb and when the Rapture happens and Jesus picks up that scroll, all will sing and truly worship (that's a whole other post).

Next was this album

 

Is AWESOME! I recommend you go get it. It's free and well worth the 5 minutes it takes to download it. 

Next is the Opening Ceremony of the Olympics. I'm not just sayingit cause I'm chinese, but the mere fact that each piece had 2008 people performing in it. It's just a mix of technology and art is AMAZING!

Picture from m&c

A Little Behind

So Randy Pausch past away last week. He was a Computer Science Professor at Carnegie Mellon University, that passed away with pancreatic cancer. I watched the video of his "Last Lecture" and it was enlightening. I recommend watching it. He was a great man.

I didn't think it was Possible

I got even more sick. I beginning to think I got it from my boss who is sick also, more than me! I stayed home from work yesterday and tried to get some more rest, but ended up unpacking more stuff. So I didn't get much rest or any better.

So I have a prayer request for you prayer warriors out there.

I kind of know this girl that I see maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Everytime I see her, she looks skinnier and has more cuts on her body. I keep a picture of her when she was "normal looking" to remind myself to pray for her. It's scary to see her now. I'm also concerned about how she's living her life. She says she's Christian, she has these awesome Christian tattoos, but she has videos and pictures of her getting drunk and doing things that are quite a bit concerning.

So if you can keep her in your prayers that would be great. I know that she has struggled with eating disorders and cutting but it's been almost a year now and she's not looking any better. Friends try to reach out to her but she doesn't listen or communicate back. When we saw her last it was when some friends were in town and they have voiced concern for her too. Please pray that she will be able to turn her life back around. We are confused about this, because there isn't a reason that we know for her to act like she is. She has a family that cares a lot about her.

Lake Tahoe Music Camp

So I'm finally settling down enough to write a post.  LTMC was a blast. It wasn't as bad as we were afraid it was going to be.  The counselors had their differences, but since it was our third year working together we were able to get past all the issues and work things out. 

I had the older girls again and they were a blessing cause I got really sick this year and they took care of me and themselves. 

So here's just a quick run down of the week. 

• I got sick
• Got attacked by a kayak
• Showed off my sound gear knowledge 
• Got bit by a Spider or something funky
• Rocked the lip sync with a 80's mix and a small clip from the Rite of Spring. (random I know)
• Had the best skit ever (it was a musical, video soonish)
• Rocked out as an old person
• Sang my "My Heart Will Go On" one too many times. :P 
• Broken windows

Here's some pictures!

   

         

Friends are Good.

So last night I got to hang out with these guys.  They are amazing.  I talked about them in my last post, and I'm still amazed at how blessed I am to know them.  They came over and hung out. We watched some TV and chatted. Then we went to see the midnight showing of Step Brothers.

I thought it was good-ish. There was a few scenes that were not o.k. It explained why it was rated R.   It was funny, especially the appearance of chewbacca in a few scenes!  Other than the raunchiness it was funny. 

After the movies we said our goodbyes and life goes on.  I guess I say that because it's nice to just take a step out of everyday life and hang out with friends.  In a way I feel special knowing that I'm friends with guys in a rock band, but at the same time they are just incredible people sharing the message of God to people. This is their mission, what Gods leading them to do. Even though it's a tough time to be touring and paying for gas, they still take the time to come out and share God's word. 

I love that every time I get to hang out with them I get to just sit back and see that they are normal people with a passion to share God's word. I love them for that and I can't say it enough at how much they enrich my life through their music and through their friendship.  

♥ ESR

Last night I went and saw A Current Affair, Ever Stays Red, and The Fold play. All three bands are incredibly awesome and the concert was a blast. The lead singer of the Fold pointed this out and I agree. It's only at a Christian concert where three different groups with different styles and get together and play a concert and have one thing in common and that is God. It's true you have the hard rock/screamo sound of A Current Affair to a rock worship band of Every Stays Red and then the indie rock sound of the Fold.

It's awesome because I can bring friends and the variety of the sounds will appeal to any of them, and I love the small concert too because afterwards we get to meet the artist. I remember bring my friend Melody to a ESR concert way back when she still lived in town and it was fun going out to In-n-Out with the bands afterward and hanging out.

I really needed something like this. It reminds me of how great God is and just how amazed I am at the people God has put in my life. Just knowing the Ever Stays Red guys and the fact that they recognize me, say hi, and give me hugs just makes all the troubles go away. I'm the shy girl that has to put her self out there to recognized and with them I don't have to do anything. (well maybe it was because Liz and I went to AZ, borrow a car from them, then went to see them at all the concerts they did in their home area, then help them load up after the concerts, then accidentally forgetting my cell phone at their church and haveing to have them mail it to parents cause I was leaving for Thailand the next week.)

Yup it's totally a God thing. :)

Could I do it?

So this morning I started reading 1 Samuel. Overview of the 1st chapter is that Hannah is one of Elkanah wives and she couldn't have children but Elkanah still loved her more than his other wife who succeeded in have many kids for him. Which caused the other wife to torment and ridicule Hannah constantly. So one day Hannah goes to the temple and prays so hard to be given a son that the priest thought she was drunk. While she was praying she tells God that if he gives her a son she promises that she would give the son to the Lord.

So what happens? God blesses her with a son and onces he has been weaned she takes him to the temple so that he may serve the Lord.

So as I was driving to work I was thinking could I do it? If I wanted something so badly as to ask for it then say once I get it I will give it away, could I do it? Could you?

So much to say!

There's just so much to say. A lot has happened and yet I'm such a slacker that I haven't posted in a while. I guess I'll start there.

I have a friend who like to make fun of my for blogging and so she asked me if I have written a blog lately. I laughed cause it reminded me of a old co-worker Ed. He would get so fired up if someone said they were going to write a Blog. He would say your not writing a blog, cause that would require writing a ton of post to say your are writing a blog. I you can say you wrote a post, or a blog post. It's funnier coming from him since he is a comedian.

I got new piercings! There was a grand opening of a new tattoo and piercing place and they were having $7 piercings. I originally wanted a nape piecing, but I got my traguses done instead.

I ran out of Prescription benefits And now have to pay $240 for my Diabetes Meds... I cried... A LOT.

The Most

So i bought this The Most today. I don't have the money too but I did anyways. I watch a video on GodTube that had clips of the movie on it. Then I went to the website and watched the trailer and felt like I had to get it. It would be a good thing to watch with some friends and then later talk about how it relates to God. Here's the video that got me wanting the movie.

He's Lovely

He's pretty incredible and I love his stuff! And the greatest part is... This album is free!! yup Free! and it sounds good from the clips I have heard. So you should get it and help spread the word. Go to Phil Wickam's Blog to get one of the nifty Ad and hear a clip from the album.

Relief

So I now have a place to live next month. It was a great relief to finally have that part done. This has been a very stressful time for me. It was down to me praying everyday asking God if I was supposed to live with the people I'm moving in with, if the area is going to be best for us, and how I was going to financially pay for the new Apartment. Plus I've been renting houses for so long would I be able to move back into an apartment?

We'll find out, we signed the papers yesterday and I'm ready for the new experience.

Positive Post Tuesday

Blood Sugars: was running late and didn't do... I'm awful I know. :(

So I have been following Brody Harpers blog and he and few other bloggers does this thing called Positive Post Tuesday. I figure I give it a try. The gist of Positive Post Tuesday is pretty simple, you write something nice about someone, building them up, and encourage them.

Lately I've been weary. This last weekend I was back in good old Elko. I helped with some home improvement projects that my sisters and brother in-law started. While there I hung out with some friends that I went to school with. The normal crowd really, the people I always hang out with because they are the easiest to get a hold of and they are the ones that really want to hang out with me. It sound conceded I know, but when you spend 12 hours fixing up a house, you really don't want to put forth the effort to get a hold of people.

I hung out with my best friend Cat (I would link to her but she doesn't blog) which is a blessing. It's nice to have that person from high school to help you see where you've come from and how you've change since high school. For us I think we both have gone through our tough times and through times where we have found our identities. I like talking to her cause it reminds me of how far we have both come, and how much we have grown. I think of how I was like in High School and compare to my life now and I thank God for all that he has done for me. I see Cat remember the days back in Jr. High when she was playing around with being wiccan and how she's a devout catholic now.

She's probably the one person that I make the biggest effort to see when I go and visit my home town. I thank God for friends like her.

Cleaning House

Blood Sugars: 138

My body hurts. Can't complain though I didn't work as hard as my sisters and brother-in-law. But still managed to put my fair share of work. So now there's some new siding, and newly painted walls in my parents house. Good Times.

Rallying!

Blood Sugars 149

Lifes crazy!!! So I interviewed with Wells Fargo. Didn't get the Job. I wanted to work there, so that I can later advance into the IS field. What better way to do that too, I can analyzing the systems for Tellers and I would know what to fix cause I worked on them. Oh well, it wasn't where God wanted me to be. I'm going to hold off of the Job search for while.



So tomorrow is the town hall meeting concerning the budget cuts at UNR. I kind of feel hopeless about it. Even if we manage to save the band it would be mostly student ran, no scholarships, and Sully (Mr. Sullivan) will still most likely be fired. It sucks and sad.



There's been quite a bit of media coverage of it too. Here's an article that was in the RGJ. But us band geeks (university and high school), plus the Reno Phil, Reno Chamber Orchestra, Maytan Music, Absolute Music, Sparks Music, Toccata, and UNR Band Alumni are all going to be outside of it. Horns blaring and playing the Fight Song and Alma Matter (which the University made us stop playing last year... there goes tradition.)



All pictures I got from jlixdixon13's Flickr Page. It's got tons of awesome Nevada Pictures. The picture of the guy with the blue face and wig. I've painted that face for Basketball games for 5 years. I'm going to miss doing that stuff, I was the face painting guru... I had to pass off the bag o' goodies to the next face painting guru.

Who am !?

Who am I? Not just a question for Zoolander Anymore.

I am a Christian, a Sister, a Daughter, a Sinner.

I am a Musician, an Artist, a Person. 

I am Weak, frail, empty, and poor. 

I am confident, broken, and scared. 

This is me.

This Blows

So I found out today that UNR is going to cut the Athletic Band Program. This means there isn't going to be anymore Marching band and Pep Band. I know that it's not really going to affect me anymore, but the saddest part is along side with the Athletic Bands being cut, they are letting go of Mr. Sullivan. He's the Director of Athletic Bands.  

It's sad because the last 6 years of my college life in the Music Department, he's been the one that made me feel like I can be a musician. I've traveled to Fresno, Seattle, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Las Cruses, Boise, Albuquerque, and New Orleans because of him and his hard work (and our awesome basketball and football team). 

It's sucks that the university has to make these budget cuts. My friend Tony has his mind set that we are not in a recession. If this doesn't say we are in a recession I don't know what does.  What do you think? Are we in a recession or not?

Red Sky

Blood Sugars: 167 (I forgot to take my pills last night)

So this morning I woke up to a bright red beam coming into my room. I'm not going to lie, I kind of freaked out, then I looked out the window to see that it was the Sun shining through the smoke that was causing the red sun beam in my room. I kind wish I was functioning enough to think of taking a picture of it and posting. But I rolled over and went back to sleep instead. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll do it, since this smoke is going to be a round and possibly get worse. I'll have to take some pictures and post it for you to see. It's insane! You can barely see the mountains.

Smokey The Bear

Blood Sugars: 157

It's insanely smokey here, and it's affecting people's respiratory problems. There are over 600 fires in California. It's insane it you look at here, it looks like the whole state is on fire! There's a Cal Fire page that gives more details to all the fires going. It's intense! I also go a prayer request about an elderly couple that refused to evacuate when they were told and now can't because their home are is surrounded by fires and is too smokey to navigate out. 

Here's the e-mail:

My Mother and step father live about 13 miles northwest of Woodleaf, California.  She just called me on the phone.  There is a forest fire about 3 miles east of them.  And a fire about 2 miles south of them.  And a fire about one mile west of them and another fire north of them about ½ mile to the north.  They did not head the warning to leave when they could and now the roads are closed.  Cinders about the size of your finger are falling on the A-frame house.  The smoke is so thick you can barely see 20 feet.  They refuse to leave as they say they have no where to go. (That is just not true)  They are determined to fight the fire on their own.  The are 85 years old and should know better.  Please pray for their safety. I believe it will take an act of God to save even their very lives.

Such a scary time. 

Lord God,

I just pray that you help protect the families near the fires and that they may be able to exit to a safe spot Lord God. For those who can't evacuate their homes, lord I just pray that you put a ring of protection around them. I pray for this woman's parents and that you protect them, bring them to safety, and that they stay in good health with all the smoke in the air. I pray that the smoke doesn't effect too many people Lord. And I pray that you be with the fire fighters as they work hard and overtime to put out and contain these fires. 

In Jesus Name

Amen

Employees vs. Boss

Blood Sugar: 151

Just now it was two against one. My coworker and I teamed up against my boss. It was quite funny. That's what happens when there's only three of us in the office and your the only guy I guess. :)

Grump Day

Sugars: 159

Hmm... Today is a grumpy day. Yup a grumpy day.

Still Giddy

Yup still giddy from the concert and Meeting Aaron!!! :D

Blood sugars was 170, Didn't help that I had chocolate fondu last night. 

Home Sick Today

Blood Sugar : 147

This last week I have just been weak in my self worth, spiritually, and physically. I stayed home today from work. The last few days I have waken up with cotton mouth a sore throat and exhausted.

Today was the worst. I think it's because of the smoke from all the fires in CA and NV, It's been pretty bad here.

I ♥ The Almost

Went and saw Army of Me, Envy on the Coast, and The Almost last night. LOVE IT!!! The show in all was cool. Sound was kind of crappy. Army of Me did a acoustic set, because on of the band members had to go to a wedding. It was still cool.

I love small shows cause people can hang out with the artists. I got to hang out and talk to Vince the singer of Army of Me. Cool dude, Kind of awkward because I couldn't her him talking half the time so he had to lean in close for me to hear him... :S

I totally appreciate the guys in Envy on the Coast. They stopped playing to tell the little punks that were punching random people and starting fights to stop. Most bands would ignore it and keep going, but these guys didn't. It was cool. At least in my book it was.

Then highlight of my night! The Almost!!! Aaron Gillespie the lead singer of the Almost stop and took the time to talk about Jesus. It was a short little speech, but it's stuff like that, that can plant seeds.

Oh and waiting for this was worth it.....

I've been bad

When does ministering to a person become too much? For the last year I've been witnessing to a woman that is an alcoholic and borderline psycho. I lived an example life, I shared why I do what I do because it's all for God. I talked to her about hell and the gospel. But it seems that when anything semi-religious is brought up, she turned crazier!

Then she attacks me about things that just tear my self worth down. It doesn't help that I live with the woman and every little thing that I do, she finds a way to complain about it. The harder I try to please her, the more she works at finding something to complain about. I finally hit the breaking point this week. When I was told to get rid of the one large item I have that is sitting in the living room.

I'm broken and torn. My self-worth has been decrease so much that I can't take it anymore. Anytime I do something that she gets angry about I try to fix but nothing is ever good enough. This place isn't even a home to me anymore.

I need to move and find a new job, so that I can afford to leave. I shouldn't even be paying as much rent if I can't have any furniture/items out in the living room.